


A Will To Live

by DeathTrapDaisy



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Fluff, I Blame Tumblr, I'm Going to Hell, Insecure Phil, Is that enough tags?, Just Awkward, M/M, Nick Fury Knows All, Phil Needs a Hug, Phil needs help, Recovery from Death, Sad, Set Up, Smutty, Steve Understands, Steve helps Phil, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done, angsty, good ending, post death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:25:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1238125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathTrapDaisy/pseuds/DeathTrapDaisy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Fury tried to give Phil Coulson a will to live, when the truth is discovered Phil finds it hard to move passed it. Agent May decides she needs to help but isn't sure about the solution Nick Fury chooses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Will To Live

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after episode 12 and before episode 13 of Agents of SHIELD.  
> This happened partly cause I really thought Phil could use some cheering up and because of Tumblr.

 

Agent May had found Coulson sitting in his office flipping through his file one too many times, when the trip to Mexico to find more about Skye's past didn't work to take his mind off of things she took matters into her own hands and wrote a report to Director Fury, though she wasn't sure his answer was correct for the problem she heeded his words and let him take care of Coulson himself. He was the one that put him through the opperations after all, he should have to deal with the consiquences.

They landed the bus at the Hub, though they had only been gone for a few days. May told Coulson they were picking up a new team member but wasn't allowed to say who it was, Phil still wasn't sure if he trusted Nick anymore and still had questions. He didn't want to shake up his team now that they were functioning so well he knew whoever it was Nick likely wanted this person to be put in a more personable unit for whatever reason that may be. Usually Coulson enjoyed going inside to see his friends and colleagues but he really wasn't feeling sociable lately, he knew May would likely have something to say about it but the way he saw it she's never social even on her best day.

The team was supposed to be back over an hour ago and he was getting more annoyed as time went by, begrudgingly he stood from his desk and grumbled all the way to the asphalt about having to go out and look for his team; he stopped in his tracks and his breath caught at what he saw. He found them huddled around none other than Capt. Steve Rogers in the flesh, all asking too many questions at once except for Agent Ward who was standing with his arms crossed looking upon him with contempt as the ladies swooned; even May was smiling crookedly though she wasn't saying anything. Coulson was relieved at least someone on his team knew how to act; he cleared his throat loud enough to get their attention, they quieted down. Phil was glad to see a smile on the Super Soldiers lips after he had looked at him from the ground up. The crowd parted when he stepped towards him with his hand stretched out for a shake, Phil took his hand and Steve's smile finally met his eyes. Coulson thought he may swoon all over again but he tried his best to make a new first impression. He had died after all maybe he could get a fresh start with the Captain. God he looked good, better than he had before if that is even possible; his skìn was tanned darker than he remembered and his hair had grown just a little longer all swooped to the right the back ruffled just perfectly from the warm breeze naturally highlighted from the suns rays. Phil had just forgotten to breath.

"Captain Rogers, good to run into you again." he finally managed to say something and was glad the Captain seemed almost as happy to see him as he was. "What are the chances?"

"Its good to see you Agent, you look well." he seemed legitimately pleased at the knowledge and Phil wasn't sure he could take it. Steve's eyes raked up his body hesitating on his chest just briefly, Phil blushed. Agent May ushered the others inside to leave them alone, with a quiet "There will be plently of time to worship him on the bus." Phil was overly grateful for it.

"I am well, mostly. What brings you here?" he briefly wondered if he was breaking protocol by talking to him, Phil being alive was a Level: 7 secret and none of the Avengers were ever supposed to know.

"Actually, I've been ordered by Director Fury. He said your team could use a little more muscle plus he thought it might be nice for me to work with a familiar face," Phil hadn't realized he was still holding Steve's hand so pulled it away and put both hands in his pockets to quit doing stupid things with them cursing himself briefly 'so much for a new first impression.' "Here he sent me with your orders, said something about you would rather recieve them from me." he shrugged and Phil wanted to shake his head amused, he could practically see the smìrk on Fury's face when he said it. Steve dug an unopened envelope from his pocket and handed it to him.

"Thanks, I'll read it later. I hope we're not a disappointment to you. We're not exactly the SHIELD norm." Steve laughed but shook his head

"I'm actually really glad he put me on your team, I never really was one for normal and well since the Avengers Initiative I've been bored out of my mind." Phil laughed this time and nodded.

"I know the feeling. Um, about that. I hope you're not upset about being left in the dark for so long Fury thought it would be for the best and honestly I was dead for uh..." Phil stopped and looked down surprised at his own reaction to what he was saying. Apparently he still didn't quite have his head wrapped around it yet, he swallowed roughly and shook his head. "anyway I won't bore you with that now." When he looked up Steve looked concerned but after a moment resigned not to push the subject if he wasn't ready to share it.

"I understand, I was in the army in a secret unit. I know what it means to keep a secret and I don't hold it against you or the Director, though I dont suppose the others will feel the same as me, I'm just happy to know you're alright now." he was still smiling and Phil wondered if he ever stopped, he turned to make his way inside Steve followed him in picking up his suit case on the way.

"I imagine they won't; I can almost see the looks on their faces already." Steve laughed with a nod. "Well Cap I'll show you to your room and once we get in the air I'll show you around and introduce you properly to the team."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that by the way its Agent Rogers now."

"I'm not sure how well that suits you." Steve laughed.

"Neither am I."

 

xXx

 

"This is it, I know its not much but its what we can manage." Steve looked at the small room with just enough space for his bed a desk and a small closet, Steve shrugged and assumed they had a common room somewhere and a place to eat.

"Its better than most." he set his bag on the bed, there at least was a window in his room. Phil stood there probably for a little too long just watching. "If you wouldn't mind, you're the only friend I have among the team so I may hover around you a little more than I should." the small blush on his cheeks made Phil blush in return as he buried his hands in his pockets.

"Sure, but you may get bored." Steve looked him up and down and his smile widened

"Doubtful." Phil's mouth went dry and he tugged on his tie subconciously.

"Well, if you'll excuse me I think I ought to read my orders." he patted his jacket pocket where he had put the letter and Steve nodded. "I'll come back to get you for dinner at five-thirty."

"Sure thing Coulson, see you then."

Phil made his retreat and wondered what exactly Fury had in mind when he sent Captain America to stay on his plane with his team of all people. Surely he would be more useful somewhere else, did Nick want his heart to stop?

 

xXx

 

Phil got to his office and sat down at the desk to read his orders from Fury, he opened the letter with his Captain America letter opener then put it in his desk drawer he refused to have his Captain America collectibles anywhere Steve would be able to see them.

'Coulson, I want you to take Agent Rogers on your team, it has been brought to my attention that he has yet to emotionally recover from being brought back from the ice. The future has not been kind to him, teach him SHIELD protocol and get him up and working. I'm putting this task in your hands because you are my best man. I need you on this.

-Director, Nick Fury'

Phil sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, how was he supposed to make Steve feel better about the future and SHIELD when he wasn't even sure what to think anymore? He folded the envelope back up and put it in his safe, he worried that if anyone else read it there would be too many questions that he didn't want to answer. He assumed Nick gave him paper orders so Skye wouldn't be able to hack in and see for herself.

He hoped Steve wouldn't fall for her charms like he had seen so many others do so far, though perhaps that wouldn't be bad for the Captain but Phil wasn't sure if he could handle watching it. Between his feelings for Steve which surely were onesided but he wasn't sure how well Ward would take it. Altough Ward and May have been getting up to no good the feelings Ward had for Skye weren't hard to see, Phil picked up the folder and put it in his drawer. Like always he had to put himself on the back burner, Steve apparently needed his help and that's what would help Phil. Being needed.

 

xXx

 

"Steve looked up from tying his boot when there was a knock on his door. He swiftly finished then stood to answer it, Phil was standing there with one hand in his pocket and one hand on his tie to straighten it. He stopped his jaw from dropping when he took in the sight of Steve wearing the catsuit SHIELD had provided for him. It was a lot like the Captain America uniform but instead it was black and grey like everyone elses minus the star on his chest. It didn't have a hood attached only a zip up collar and at present he wasn't wearing the gloves. Phil didn't think it was possible to make anything even close to the Captain America suit that made Steve look this good. He was wrong.

"Is it five-thirty already?" steve asked to break the silence and Phil came out of his stuper.

"Yes, actually I may be a few minutes early." Phil smiled and tried not to seem like he had just been gawking at him.

"Oh that's alright I'm ready." he said and turned to push his suitcase under his bed Phil getting a front row seat view of his ass when he bent over, Coulson looked at the ceiling and prayed for strength. If Steve was as shaken up from the future as Fury said he was the last thing he needed was Phil prodding around being gay all up in his space. Surely that wouldn't ease the Capta-agent at all. Steve turned back around and met Phil in the hallway folding his hands behind his back like every soldier Phil had ever encountered.

"Its right this way." Steve walked alongside him towards the dining room, it was Jemma's night to cook so who knows what they may be exposed to for dinner, she was a great biochemist not much of a chef though. They entered the room and the team were finally acting like Steve was just another agent, May must have set them straight.

"This is the team, I'm sure you met them earlier." Phil took his spot at the head of the table as Steve waved at everyone. Skye and Ward were sitting next to each other, May at the other side of Phil with Fitz next to her with an empty seat for Jemma once she is done cooking.

"Well hello Captain, come join us. Have a seat." Jemma said happily as she stirred a pot of something on the stove Steve smiled and took a seat next to Phil, the look of disappointment on Skye's face was priceless but Phil managed not to laugh though he Couldn't stop the smile.

"Its agent now actually." he said and ducked his head, Jemma pounted.

"Coulson we can call him Captain still can't we? Agent just feels wrong." Phil chuckled and looked at Steve.

"If its alright with Agent Rogers." Steve smiled sheepishly.

"I'm just like all of you, if you can't say agent just call me Rogers." Simmons nodded and assumed she could do that.

"Alright Rogers," she said dipping some stew into a bowl and setting it in front of him. "bon' appetitt'." he smiled picking up a spoon and started to eat as Jemma sat the bowls down in front of everyone else

"When is my night to cook?" he asked and everyone kind of looked between each other uncertainly.

"Well, you dont have one. The schedule is already set." Fitz said with a mouthful and Steve turned to Phil.

"I'd like to have a turn." Phil shrugged with a sigh.

"I'll revise the schedule tonight."

"Thank you, though I may need some help with the oven." he winced and Phil couldn't help but think that was the most adorable thing he had seen all day.

"Sure, I don't have a night scheduled for myself. I'd be glad to help." Steve smiled and continued to eat. Phil ignored the knowing look that May sent his way with one risen brow, out of everyone on his team she was the only one that knew what his sexual prefernces were. Phil was ever grateful for that too

 

xXx

 

Phil met Steve in the kitchen the next night, he found him wearing jeans and a plaid button up shirt the sleeves rolled up as he stirred something on the stove. Phil cleared his throat so he wouldn't surprise him, Steve turned from what he was doing and smiled.

"Hey Agent, I didn't think you were coming." Phil smiled as he slid his jacket from his shoulders and hung it over the back of a nearby chair then rolled up his sleeves. He wondered if he was just imagining things when Steve's eyes traveled him and he smirked.

"I said I would help and so I will." he came to stand by Steve's side to see what he was up to and noticed he was boiling some potatoes and green beans.

"I'm glad," his eyes dropped and looked at Phil's lips then moved back up as he cleared his throat, turning back to the stove. "I managed to get the stove going but I can't quite figure out the oven." Phil turned to the object in question and reached for a button and couldn't find it then stopped and stroked his chin with the other hand on his hip, Steve smiled as he watched Phil fiddle with the oven for a few more minutes.

"Hmm.." he hummed and opened the door looking inside then closed it. "Aha." he sounded resigned as he flipped a switch and the hologram buttons appeared after a few more attempts he finally got it to heat up, Steve tried his best not to look too amused and it would seem Phil hadn't noticed the struggle.

"Thanks." Steve brushed passed him with a pan with bread laid out on it putting it in the oven, then proceeded to grill some steaks on the stove.

"What are you making?" Phil took over stiring the green beans.

"Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans and rolls." he felt rather accomplished when Phil hummed in delight when the smell of grilling steak hit his nostrils.

"We haven't eaten this good since before the bus." Steve laughed and flipped the steak.

"Well, lets hope it turns out." he watched as Phil moved to the boiling potatoes testing them with a fork to see if they're soft yet, they were therefore he took them and carried them over to the sink. Steve tensed for a moment not sure if Phil should be carrying a pot that size full of water and ten potatoes so soon after his recovery. He hurried over. "Here let me help." he said gently and took over, Phil gave him a funny look but didn't argue Steve drained the steaming water then began to smash the potatoes together putting in some salt and pepper. Phil moved to nurse the steaks.

"I could've gotten it you know." Phil said quietly and Steve turned to him with an apologetic face.

"Its just so soon since..." he stopped and bit his lip and Phil started to think maybe it was worse that they hadn't talked about it rather than let it float around in the air.

"I've made a full recovery. I wouldn't be in the field if I hadn't." Steve nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Its alright."

They finished the rest of the dinner mostly in silence not an unfriendly one, just an awkward one.

 

xXx

 

Phil sat at his desk, it had been a long day of trying not to crowd Steve's space by being ever present, he even caught himself avoiding rooms he normally would be found in because Steve was in there. He had just been able to relax when there was a knock on the door, he sighed in annoyance but straightened up in his seat.

"Come in." he said as he put his folder back in the drawer, he hasn't had time to breath since Steve joined them much less to read over his file yet again. Steve stood there in his door smiling with a bottle under one arm. "Rogers, how can I help?" he asked eyeing the bottle and the two glasses in his hand.

"I was just wondering if you'd be interested in a drink." Phil stared at him for a moment and realized he was holding a bottle of scotch.

"I-sure, if you'd like," he was going to decline but remembering what Fury had sent Steve here for he decided it would be best not to send Steve away especially if he is looking for companionship somewhere, Phil cleaned an area of his desk so he could set down the bottle. "Pull up a seat."

Steve closed the door behind him and pulled up a chair and sat down, setting the bottle and glasses on the desk. Phil knew Steve was unable to get drunk due to the syrum and wondered then why exactly he wanted to drink at all. Steve poured them both a glass.

"Thanks." Phil said gratefully they clinked their glasses together and drank

"So, what have you been doing since..well?" Steve glanced at his shoes and Phil shrugged. "I mean, if you're allowed to tell me." Phil smiled and took another sip of his drink.

"This mostly, its been nice being in the field." Steve nodded and leant back in his seat.

"I know the feeling, I just want to be useful somewhere."

"Be careful what you wish for." Phil joked and was glad when he got a laugh in return.

"You can say that again," Steve took another swig "may I ask you something?" Phil stared at his glass for a moment and nodded.

"Sure."

"If there was anyway I could help you, you'd tell me wouldn't you?" He looked sincere and Phil wondered what he was really doing here, he didn't seem all too distressed. If anything he seemed more concerned of his own well being.

"Of course." Steve nodded and looked down.

"You know, I know how you must feel. I died once too." Phil tensed but relaxed when he remembered who he was talking to if he could trust anyone not to lie to him it would be Steve, he emptied his glass.

"Its a hell of a thing." Steve nodded and set a hand on Phil's with a gentle squeeze, Phil's breath caught out of surprise but tried not to let Steve notice.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you." Phil's heart swelled and he knew Steve couldnt have mean't anything more than being friendly; though he wished he did.

"Thank you." he pulled away and opened his desk drawer but hesitated with his hand on top of the file.

 "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes." Steve watched as Phil pulled out a folder with the Shield logo on the front and Classified stamped across it. He slid it towards Steve and waited to see what he would do.

"What's this?" he asked and picked it up.

"Read it then we can talk." Steve flipped open the front page and there was a picture of Coulson dead on a slab his chest spread open, he swallowed harshly but closed the folder and set it back down on the desk.

"I've read it." he sounded a little shaken and wouldn't look Phil in the eyes, Phil taking in a deep breath now that he knew all of his secrets were out on the table. Literally.

"Then you know what they did to me." he said weakly and Steve took his hand again.

"I do, I know what it must've been like but I can't pretend that I wouldn't have done anything within my power to bring you back." Phil's eyes snapped up and he looked him square in the eyes.

"It was torture, it was inhuman. I wouldn't have wished that on my worst enemy." they both were surprised at his outburst, for the first time he realized that no he was not alright and maybe he did need help. Steve squeezed his hand tighter.

"I understand."

"No you don't, no one does." Phil pulled his hand away, Steve frowned and tried to ignore the sting as Phil stood up and turned his back on him they sat in silence for a few moments Steve just folded his hands over his lap patiently and knew Phil would collect himself if he only had a few moments of quiet. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." Phil dropped his face into his hands; Steve stood up and placed his hands on his shoulders comfortingly.

"Its alright." the way his voice was so smooth and his breath brushed across his ear so enticingly made all of the tension ease out, Phil finally turned around and Steve brought him into his arms pulling him against his chest; had Phil not been so distraught at the moment he would have swooned. They stayed there for long moments as Phil took deep breaths to calm himself down. He was completely mucking up his mission that Fury had sent for him to do, how had it happened that Steve was the one comforting him? Steve's hands dropped lower and stroked him softly on the back, Phil let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes turning closer into Steve's chest. "You're alright."

Steve kissed him lightly on the temple bringing Phil out of his thoughts, then moved down to his cheek kissing his way down to the junction of his jaw and neck that was when Phil pulled away their faces only inches apart they were both breathing a little heavier Steve licked his bottom lip before he moved in closer cupping the agents head in his hand and brushing his fingers through short soft hair. Was Steve going to kiss him? he carefully touched his forehead against the agents and their lips barely grazed, Phil panicked and pulled away Steve snapped out of the trance he was in and moved away running a hand through his hair.

"Romance is strictly prohibited on the bus." Phil breathlessly rambled and was obviously flustered and breathing quickly now, his face was flushed just beautifully with a little worry crease between his brows and lips just slightly parted Steve's eyes raked over him as the words finally settled and started to make sense in his muddled mind he nodded and moved back half a step.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to over step a line." Phil hated the way his chest tightened and how Steve looked so disappointed. Damn, he was really not making this any easier on him. Fury would be furious if he knew they were fooling around on this plane but Steve was also part of his mission. He didnt know what he should do.

"Please don't apologize, Its not your fault. I-if it wasn't for the rule-" Steve relaxed a little and Phil cleared his throat. "I'm sorry." Steve was sad when Phil turned to his connected bedroom door and went inside, he looked out at him then turned leaving the door ajar. Steve was confused at their conversation, it had taken an abrupt turn. He stared at the open door for a moment then turned away looking back once more. He wanted to go in after him and make sure he was alright, but he had heard what he said about the rules. So he turned and left the room, he didn't come here to put the moves on him. He had come so he had someone to talk to, he briefly wondered if Fury was wrong about him being the one person Phil would really open up to. He left and tried not to look back.

 

xXx

 

The next day Steve found himself wandering around the plane, Coulson was still hulled up in his office and after last night he didn't think it would be right to nose in where he wasn't wanted. He found Agent May in the gym doing some yoga, Fury told him she is who he should talk to should he need advice, she knew about the opperation whereas no one else did.

"Agent May, could we talk for a moment?" she sighed obviously annoyed but nodded she sat on the floor still stretching and Steve found himself sitting down indian style in front of her. "you know why I'm here. The thing is last night in Coulson's office I may have overstepped a line, I think I may have offended him or shocked him. You see.."

"He told you about the strict no dating policy." it wasnt a question, Steve blushed brightly with the fact she already knew he nodded and looked at his hands. "He must think Fury wouldn't like it. It is a strict policy but I believe in this case the director would understand."

"It doesn't matter he doesn't like me like that anyway." Steve sighed sadly resting his chin on his palm.

"Did he say he doesn't like you?" She smirked and he shook his head.

"Well, no but.."

"Did he leave his door open?"

"I-yes, how did you know?"

"You have to understand, Phil has been doing this job for a long time if you're going to break the rules you have to be discreet." she shook her head fondly, It was like a bulb had lit up over his head when he understood what this meant. Phil had told him of the policy then left it up to him if he wanted to take that chance with him or not he felt naive for not realizing it sooner and hoped Phil hadn't taken his poor knowledge as rejection. "You better go talk to him." she added and Steve immediately nodded then stood up and left the room, turning back for a moment and popping his head back in the door.

"Are you sure?" He looked so eager May actually wanted to laugh.

"I've never been more sure about anything." Steve's smile was huge when he turned and bolted, she shook her head in amusement and couldn't help but think it was a good idea to bring Steve aboard.

 

xXx

 

Phil looked up when Steve entered his office without knocking, he made his way around his desk and pulled the agent up by the lapels of his jacket.

"Captain wha-" he was cut off by a firm kiss, Phil couldn't help but melt into him and set his hands on his large biceps, Steve wrapped him up in his arms and deepened the kiss. Phil moaned against him and pressed his body close.

"I didn't realize, I'm sorry." Steve gasped when they separated and Phil pushed him back until they met the metal of his bedroom door.

"We can't here." he gasped and Steve nodded turning to open the door they stumbled inside and Steve closed the door behind them and pressed the agents back against it cupping his face in his hands and kissing him deeply, Phil gripped his wrists and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and Steve's hands moved to roam the body before him. He noticed he was skinnier than before that worried him briefly but understood after all he had been through there must've been some damage done. Steve moved back and started on the buttons of his shirt but Phil stopped him abruptly his face one almost of panic.

"Phil?" Phil's gaze dropped to his chest, Steve immediately understood what it was that was bothering him. "I've seen the footage." he said softly and Phil closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

"Maybe, but you havent seen it." Steve brought his face up to look him in the eyes, Steve's were gentle and searching.

"I kept it together while I was in the meeting but once I got to my quarters I just couldn't stand it anymore. What they did to you, I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was all I could do to keep from pulling you into my arms when I first saw you. if I can make you feel good in anyway, I will." with that he bent down to nip at Phil's neck while gripping him firmly by the hips Phil pushed him back gently again.

"I dont want you to do that if that's the only reason." Steve shook his head.

"For the first time since I've been brought back I feel like I belong someplace, here with you. You understand me, you appreciate me like no one else does. I wont let you take that away from me because of some misplaced sacrificial mentality." Phil smiled softly and moved his hands up to cup the soldiers neck. Their eyes searched each others looking for any falseness in them, they had both been lied to so much and hurt and used all they wanted was something true.

"Alright, I'm convinced." he smiled and Steve moved closer kissing him softly moving to the buttons on his shirt once again,

"And what about me do you find so appealing?" Steve teased and Phil blushed as he bit his bottom lip.

"Everyting." he gasped and Steve's heart melted, he took the agents lips in another deep kiss he finally pulled his tie off then opened his shirt moving back to look for himself. The dimlight of the room cast a heavy shadow over him as his eyes took in the look of it, Phils breathing was short and eratic finally his eyes moved up and he cupped his chin in his hands.

"Nothing can scare me away from you now." Phil's eyes welled up a little and he couldn't help but smile.

"We'll see about that Captain."

"Steve." Phil smiled and kissed him.

"Steve." Steve slid the agents jacket and shirt off his shoulders then running his hands over his arms and back experimentally as he took his mouth in another kiss, Phil groaned deeply as heat coiled deep in his stomach he felt like his whole body was aflame he couldn't remember ever feeling this way. Just being close to someone, he hadn't realized how much he missed the warmth of another body against his. Over all he couldn't believe that body was Captain America, Steve Rogers, the man he had spent the most time wondering about since his death. He needed more of him. His hands moved at their own volition to rid him of his catsuit he insisted upon wearing at all times, Phil couldn't handle it. Steve gasped when Phil drug the zipper down at his neck and the cool air brushed his overheated chest. Steve moved back taking over the job and unzipped it all the way down betwen his legs, Phil wheezed unexpectedly but hoped Steve hadn't noticed.

"You like what you see?" Steve's voice rumbled and Phil was sure he hadnt heard that octave from him before.

"Oh, yes." Tilting up to kiss him he persistently pushed the suit from his shoulders until it draped around his waist, once his arms were free Steve took hand fulls of Phil's abdomen in some sort of worship he slipped his hands up his stomach to his chest to feel him breathing eratically. In that moment all he wanted was all of him. Steve moved away long enough to pull his suit off with his boots until he was standing completely naked except for the tight black boxer briefs he wore under his uniform. Phil's eyes raked up his body and back, he couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"Then touch me." Steve gasped as he pressed his body against the agent. Phil didn't need to be asked twice his hands gripped as much skin as he could reach as Steve sucked a mark on his neck, he knew there would be questions in the morning but he never wanted him to stop. Steve rolled his hips into Phil's stomach who gasped in surprise feeling long hardness against those slick shorts.

"See what you're doing to me?" Steve gasped hotly against his ear before nipping the lobe between his teeth.

"Oh Steve." was all he could breath out as arousal pooled within him, he pushed the Captain off recieving a look of confusion. "I need to sit down before I fall down." Steve looked concerned that perhaps Phil wasn't as well as he had lead him to believe that was until Phil pressed him back by the chest until Steve sat down on the edge of the bed, Phil climbed him like a tree and straddled his lap.

"Oh." Steve moaned when he realized what Phil had been implying, he bent and took Steve's mouth in another desperate kiss. Phil rolled his hips against Steve's and the friction kept building, Steve whined against his mouth as his hips bucked up against him. Phil pulled back and climbed off of him, Steve whimpered at the loss of contact but grunted when a hot hand rubbed him against the fabric of his boxers, Phil was kneeling between his knees now and Steve wanted to come just from the sight of it.

"I'm going to take you into my mouth now." he sounded almost too calm about the idea for Steve who was now nodding persistently, Phil peeled away the tight fabric that already had a wet spot where Steve was straining against it. He wrapped him in his palm and stroked him a few times, Steve moaned loudly gripped the bedding. "Hey." Phil called him quietly and he turned to look at him, he was holding a finger over his mouth trying to keep him quiet. Steve nodded and whispered a quick apology. Phil smirked then tilted his head down to kiss and nip at Steve's stomach, he whimpered above him then held a hand over his mouth trying to muffle his sounds. Phil slowly licked up his shaft before delving in and taking him almost fully in. He was a little rusty at this but he still knew what he was doing. Steve's free hand brushed through his hair then settled at the nape of his neck. Surprised Phil was pulled back and looked up at Steve to see what the problem was.

"Can.. Can we.." Steve was breathing erratically and Phil stared up at him, unsure if he was really asking him what he thought he was.

"Yes, if you want too." Phil said a little too eagerly.

"I do." he gasped back and Phil moved to stand in front of him, Steve's shaking fingers went straight to his belt pulling it from the loops then the fly of his pants, Phil self-consiously stepped out of his shoes and trousers he was now standing naked in front of the symbol of male perfection, perhaps a little too aware of that fact.

Steve moved closer and kissed him on his stomach and up his side, he didn't seem to think he was unpleasant to look at or touch since his hands reached around and took a handful of his ass. Phil gasped running his fingers through soft blonde hair, he gently pushed him away and back until Steve was laying flat on his back and staring up at him.

"Make yourself comfortable." Phil gasped looking him up and down again. Steve looked at him a little confused but moved up the bed until his head fell back on soft pillows, he lifted his hips to pull his boxers off and Phil's throat went dry at the sight. He turned and dug around in the top drawer of his dresser and finally came upon some lubricant and two condoms he kept things handy. He hoped Steve wouldn't ask why he had it, he often used them to relieve himself since he is so often left alone and wanting.

Phil turned back to bed climbing on until he was straddling Steve's waist, he was watching him intently his lips slightly parted. Phil coated his fingers with the liquid then reached between his own legs. Steve stared up at him entranced and let out a shaky breath feeling that perhaps he should be helping in some way.

"I-its been a while." he said shakily as his fingers roamed unfamiliar territory.

"Take your time." Phil kept his eyes downcast intentionally avoiding eye contact, he always felt embarrassed about this part and never wanted to ask for help. If he could he would do this on his own before hand so he wouldn't have to prepare himself with his partner there. Steve took in the sight before him in awe, the end of Phil's tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration he thought it was just cutest thing; his eyes moved down to strong shoulders then arms, his hands moved at their own will and softly smoothed down the smooth skin. Steve innocently chuckled at the look of determination on the agents face, Phil's heart jumped at the idea of Steve laughing at him and his eyes snapped up. Steve was smiling up at him then pulled him down for a kiss and Phil moaned into him.

"You're so adorable, Phil and beautiful." he sounded breathless and astounded all at once, Phil was overwhelmed with relief that he wasn't laughing at him for the reason's he thought.

"You're the beautiful one." his words muffled against Steve's plump lips.

"I disagree." Phil moaned when those lips moved to kiss him on the corner of his mouth where his dimple was, then down to his cheek and jaw. "Let me." Steve reached down to where Phil's hand was busy at work and gently pulled it away but met some resistance. "please." Phil was breathing raggedly now and nodded silently.

"Alright." he relented and waited as Steve coated his fingers in the lube then reached between his thighs fumbling for a moment in the search then pushing one finger in, Phil moaned but was muffled when Steve bent up kissing him the other hand moved down to twine his fingers with Phil's. Phil had never had that happen to him before, all his times had been rushed with no strings attached. His life was busy and he didn't have time for relationships he knew that even if he hadn't died his relationship still wouldn't have worked out. It made his heart hurt to think that this relationship if that's what it was may not work out either. Steve took his time and eventually got two fingers in, Phil hissed and Steve stopped kissing him softly on the mouth.

"Shh hold onto me." Steve sounded so gentle, he squeezed Phil's hand in his and Phil propped himself up on an elbow next to his head accepting another kiss. Steve slowed down each time Phil's breath hitched or he flinched he never knew anyone could be so patient.

"I'm ready." Phil gasped in Steve's ear where his head had dropped down next to his. Steve nodded and pulled his hand away.

"If you're sure?" Phil pulled back picking a condom up and ripped it open with his teeth Steve caught his hands in his and Phil looked him in the eyes.

"Do we have to use them?" Phil was a little surprised by the question he didn't think Steve would be interested in going without one.

"Not if you don't want too. I'm clean I just had a check up and I assume you are too?" Steve blushed and nodded he wasn't the kind of guy that fooled around with just anyone.

"I'm clean." With that Phil set both condoms aside and picked up the tube and slicked Steve up with soft strokes, he gasped and unintentionally rolled his hips up into his palm. Carefully he lined himself up then lowered down until he was seated fully in his lap. Steve's hands were resting softly on his hips as he guided him back up.

Phil's bottom lip was clasped between his teeth determined as he rose up and braced himself on Steve's impressive chest. Steve moaned and his head fell back as Phil came back down, Steve rolled his hips up and his hands clammered to feel his body.

"W-wait." Steve stuttered and pulled himself and Phil up the bed until he was almost sitting up straight against the headboard so they could be closer together, wrapping his arms around his lower back until their bodies were flush against each other, Phil anchored himself on stout shoulders as he came back down.

"Oh!" Phil gasped quietly and grunted when he rose up and game back down.

"good?" was all Steve could get out; Phil nodded and Steve grunted along with him rolling up as they fell into a comfortable rhythm, slow even thrusts. Things began to get more and more erratic as they came closer to completion Phil whined in annoyance in his inability to find that spot inside that made him see stars, it had been a long time since he had done this and he was way out of practice.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked quietly stroking his back softly and Phil shook his head. "Tell me." he pressed and Phil relented though he blushed in embarrassment.

"I cant find...my prostate." Steve made a face of understanding though he was blushing crimson that Phil had actually said the word, before he knew it Steve spun them up and around until his back pressed firmly against the wall his legs immediately wrapping high around Steve's back. Steve thrust up into him as he braced them both, Phil threw his head back with an ungodly groan and Steve knew he had found what he was looking for he repeated the same motion time and again until Phil was the one babbling all kinds of noises.

"Not gonna last night." Steve gasped moving one hand to grasp Phil's neglected member and stroke it erratically, Phil groaned his fingers digging into the soft flesh of Steve's back.

"Me either." Steve couldn't get over how beautfiul he looked like this, his chest and cheeks lightly pink from the exertion, his skin glowing in the dim lighting, hair mussed and muscles bending and coil beneath the skin of his arms. He couldn't even see the scar anymore, he could only see Phil. Phil made a choked sob before he spilled out over Steve's hand and chest clinching around the member inside him. Steve shuddered coming not long after as he clasped Phil's shoulder between his teeth to try to muffle the sounds. The hot liquid filled him from the inside. They both collapsed against each other as they slid down the wall until they were huddled together in one heap catching their breath. Steve continued to stroke his back softly and Phil moaned tired then looked up into Steves eyes with heavy lids and a lazy grin on his lips.

"I think you found it." his voice sounded gravelly and strained and Steve couldn't keep from laughing as he stroked his cheek softly moving in for a sloppy muddled kiss.

"That's the understatement of the century." Phil snorted tiredly glad he had Steve's arm beneath his head like a pillow. His hand moving to run over Steve's smooth chest. Steve carefully pulled out and Phil whimpered clamping his eyes shut, he would most definitely be sore tomorrow but it was worth it by far. "Roll over for me?" Steve asked gently, Phil gave him a curious look just for a moment before he complied. He felt the bed shift and Steve went into the connected bathroom coming back a few moments later with a warm wet wash wrag then began to wipe him clean, sneaking a hand under his hips so he could lift up and wipe his front then between his cheeks. Phil blushed but groaned in satisfaction. Steve hummed in appreciation when he rolled the soft skin of Phil's ass in his palm then ran his hands up his spine.

"Your back is perfect." he praised rubbing his hands up to his shoulders and back down, Phil chuckled tiredly and somewhat in disbelief with is arms crossed under his chin he was fighting to keep his eyes open under Steve's comforting ministrations. Steve gently traced the jagged scar between his shoulder blades and Phil suddenly stiffened but relaxed when the fingers were replaced with lips. Steve pulled back then kneaded the tense muscle of his lower back, Phil just realized he was giving him a back rub. If Phil wasn't sure he already loved him he knew it now. Phil moaned pleasureably when gentle kisses peppered his lower back, hands rubbing his sides.

"Mmm... I love you." the words left his lips before he could even think to stop them, Steve's hands stilled on him for a few long moments before a heavy sigh left his lips.

"Love you too." Phil turned his upper half in a twist to look at him

"Come here." Steve leant down to give him a kiss then rub between his shoulder blades. Phil felt like he was on cloud nine and damn near believed Steve did too.

 

xXx

 

"Sir, Agent Coulson and Captain Rogers have been in Coulson's quarters thoughout the evening." Agent May said to the computer screen in her own room as she was on a live feed with Fury.

"Good." he nodded thoughtfully and May made a face but didn't ask the question floating in her mind.

"What is it Agent?" he asked and she shook her head with a sigh.

"How did you know this would work?" Fury smirked.

"Because I know Coulson and I know Rogers, All I did was see two people that needed someone in their lives and put them together, we needed to give Coulson back his will to live. Rogers needed a reason to live in the future, it was the obvious answer."

"Thank you, Sir. Really." Fury smiled and was just glad to know two men that needed help got it from each other.

"Goodnight Agent May, keep me posted." With that she ended the transmition and couldnt help but smile, funny how Coulson can throw out a rule for the first time in his career for Captain America. She wasn't sure if Fury knew the extent of the situation but if he didn't she wouldn't be the one to tell him, after all Phil had been through enough he deserves Steve not to mention the fact that he is covering her ass with the Agent Ward situation. Of course teasing will be involved.

 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I have no idea what I'm doing...


End file.
